barbara walters just said penis...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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We have started to decorate penises.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The Olympian is in my bed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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