I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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