I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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