Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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