i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
