I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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