On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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