And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
