hell yes lets make some ravioli
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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