Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
