its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
