Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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