Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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