hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
