ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
...so i touched it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
