I think my fart just growled at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
