We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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