Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
