I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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