"it" just moved
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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