he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize