Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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