According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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