I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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