How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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