My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
