There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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