You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
