Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
