There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think my moral compass just broke
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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