I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they're like a gay fantastic four
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
