dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
