Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
