we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
