I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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