my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
