Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
