How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
