Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
