You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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