Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im part way to drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
