Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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