Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
