i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
