I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
