What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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