i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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