I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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