yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
