are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Randomize
