so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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