When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
