Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
FUCK WHALES
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
