there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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