Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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