Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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