i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
