I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
