my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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