Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i came on her dog
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
