didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a hot homeless man
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
