I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
