Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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