The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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