just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
