Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
