I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
