Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
